It was a last-minute instinct that brought me to drop everything and travel to see Swamiji and listen to his satsang on 1st February. Perhaps it was spurred on by the fact that these satsangs are very rarely recorded, if ever. How precious they are! I took notes, scribbled and messy, in the hope that I could imbibe some of his wisdom.
So, what led me to take the five-hour journey from Wales to Bromley? I wanted to experience again the tremendous kindness and warmth I always encounter when I visit the MA centre. I wanted to exchange stories, smiles and laughter with my Amma brothers and sisters. These long-lasting deep friendships have been kindled over years of doing annual seva together in Amma’s divine presence. Of course, I was also looking forward to eating some of the lovely food created by Michelle and Devi! But most of all, I wanted to try and absorb some of the profound wisdom of Swamiji and to soak up the divine vibrations of the centre, a place that has been visited and blessed by Amma, our guru — a mahatama — a rare divine soul that lives and walks and spreads Her pure Love today in the world. Swamiji mentioned how, every day, Amma is performing miracles, as She stays up all night hugging, advising and comforting thousands upon thousands of her children. Part of me was hoping that Amma would phone Swamiji again and send us Her ‘’kisses kisses kisses’’ down the phone, like She did in October, as if on cue, just before Arati, when he visited for the silent retreat. That didn’t happen this time, but he assured us that Amma is thinking of us and that She has said that with God’s grace She can come and visit us in the UK this year.
So, what did I glean from Swamiji’s satsang? It was titled Managing Expectations. Swamiji told us that an expectation is simply a desire that we feel we have a right to getting fulfilled. If we think about something we want for long enough, we create a desire that can become an expectation. If our expectations from God or guru are not fulfilled, we can lose our faith completely. He told a story of a man who was very devoted and pious. He prayed and prayed for a certain type of lifestyle, certain type of wife, home and job. Looking back on his life, he realised that God had not granted any of these desires and instead he had lived a very different kind of life, not the one he had expected. When he reached the pearly gates, he asked God why He had not granted any of his desires, since he had lived a very good and dharmic life. God said, ‘I gave you the life you had, because I love you. I wanted you to exhaust your karmas’, which brought to my mind the phrase, ‘we don’t always get what we want, but we do always get what we need’. He said that Amma will bless our requests if they are karmically good for us, but if they are not, She won’t allow them.
Swamiji explained that the cause of our expectations is ignorance of our true nature. If you think about it, we have no expectations from the natural world, we accept it as it is, but we do have expectations from humans. It is due to our feelings of lack of completeness that we can’t accept everything as it is and try to change the things we don’t like around us. Our true nature is Purnatvam — completeness and wholeness. It is because we can’t experience this wholeness that we seek happiness from outside. Amma is free from all expectations — She just goes on giving and giving. If She had a slogan, it would be ‘’Love all, serve all, expect nothing’’. She is completely established in the Self.
Swamiji went on to say that when we expect things, it takes us away from the present moment. We think, ‘this thing I deserve that will happen in the future will make me happy’.
When talking about the expectations we have of ourselves, Swamiji explained that they need to be in line with our strengths and talents, or we will lose our self confidence and become self-critical. We must be patient with ourselves, especially when we experience failure, otherwise we will give up. He warned us not to fall into the comparison trap by comparing ourselves with others who have different skills and talents. Doing this causes us to expect more and more from ourselves, by which our self-criticism goes up and our self-confidence goes down. He said it is wiser to compare ourselves to what we were like last year than to those around us. He also advised us to rephrase any negative self-talk such as ‘I’m not good at getting up in the morning to meditate’, to ‘I am an early riser so I can’t go to the party’.
When talking about our expectations of others, Swamiji explained how we always want others to be the way we want them to be, and we struggle to accept people the way they really are. We feel hurt by the thought that things aren’t the way we like. The only thing we can change is ourselves; we can’t change others. He said that we should change our expectations into our preferences. We should say, ‘I would prefer life if it was this way, but it isn’t, so I will accept it’. Trying to change others is outside our circle of influence. When a couple live together with no expectations, the relationship can become very beautiful. To illustrate this, he told a story about a king who owned a caged bird. He loved the bird and gave it everything he thought it would enjoy, delicious food, wine, entertainment, an elaborate golden cage, but sadly the bird died. The king had treated the bird in the way he would like to be treated and given it what he loved and enjoyed, but he didn’t give the bird what it needed to live. To love someone the way we prefer to be loved is not true love, he said.
When introducing the Saraswati puja that was to take place that afternoon, Swamiji explained that taking part in pujas and other spiritual practices allows us to become a receptacle for God’s grace. Amma says that God’s grace is continuously flowing, but due to our negative tendencies, thoughts and desires that are not in line with dharma, we cannot access that grace. It is only by performing good actions, doing sadhana, and joining spiritual gatherings, that allows the grace to be ‘caught’ (my word). He explained that it is a bit like having an ice cream cone in your hand ready and poised just as you are being handed a large lump of delicious ice cream. Without the cone, that ice cream of grace will be a horrible cold and sticky mess in your hand; but with the cone, it becomes something that can be relished and enjoyed.
And my ice-cream cone of grace did in fact manifest after I had visited the centre. I had been somewhat concerned about the return trip home to Wales. I had to be at work in Brecon (new job, still on probation) by 1.30pm on the Sunday after the puja. But due to my past experiences of missing trains because of the unreliability of the tube — coupled with my terrible sense of direction — I worried I would be late. However, on the train from Bromley to Victoria I met two very friendly Tottenham football club supporters, locals, on their way to a match. They advised a much quicker and more reliable route. So, I travelled with them saving time by not going up and down steps and over a bridge with a bulky suitcase on the circle line, which is my usual route. On the tube, I chatted with another friendly person who was going my way — usually all Londoners never even look up to smile! But not today. We travelled the next leg together. Finally, like the chocolate flake being put on the top of the ice cream, just as I started entertaining panicky thoughts about not being able to see a sign showing me which way to Paddington, a stranger who was walking in front of me just pointed his finger upwards. I looked up. There was a clear sign saying Paddington — with an arrow pointing the way. I arrived with half an hour to spare for refreshments. Amazing grace. The journey was smooth, and I got to work with 10 minutes to spare. I drove through beautiful sunny countryside to work and arrived happy and content with sweet memories of shining brass, flickering flames, vibrant petals, smells of incense, vibhuti and camphor, with bhajans and laughter ringing in my ears, and a big smile glowing in my heart.
Thank you, everyone.
Prema Chloe Foss
